Maria/Spain,Osaka Coincidence/偶然について

Coincidence/偶然について

BY Maria

Are the clouds conscious that it is the wind what move them? Or do they believe that they move on their own? 雲は、自分たちを動かす風の存在を意識しているのか。もしくは、自分自身で動いていると信じているのか。

Thinking that we are the absolute owners of our destiny is like believing that the nightingales sing their most beautiful melodies only to soften our ears; or that the water of a natural spring flows only to give us something to drink. While we could think that the progress of our thoughts, our ambitions and projects contribute to taking one decision or another, also the course of events escapes many times from our hands. So, we have no choice than wait and see what life has prepared for us.

自分こそが、人生の運命の絶対的な所有者だと信じることは、鳥たちは、自分の耳を喜ばせるために鳴いてくれる、泉の水は私たちのどの渇きを癒すために流れてくれている、と信じるようなもの。 自分の思考、欲望、行動は、もちろん自分たちの意思決定に貢献しているんだろうけど、物事の流れは、幾度となく、自分たちの手から離れていく。人生の方から用意してくれるものを、自分たちは様子を見ながら、待っているしかない時もある。

However, it would not be fair to say that we are victims of the cravings of our fate. We also have the ability to feel and perceive when things are not going the way they should; or when, on the contrary, we are going on the right way. In most cases, it is up to us to change or to abandon what is not good for us, and to preserve what brings us peace and well-being. So, let’s say that, rather than opposite poles struggling to impose on each other, destiny and intuition are more like accomplices that guide us on our day to day to a future. A future that is many times out of our control.

だけど、私達は運命の犠牲者、といいきってしまうのは、フェアじゃない。 物事がそうあるべきでない、 ようなときには、それを察知し、感じることができる。 危ない道を歩くのは、なるべく他の道に変えることができるし、心に平安をもたらす何かは、残すことができる。正しい道を選ぼうとすること、ができる。 ときに、想定外の人生だが、運命と、直感が私たちを、人生を案内してくれる。

One thing is certain, and the experience has done nothing but prove it to me every day: Coincidences do not exist.

たしかなことがある。 偶然は存在しない。

If someone had told me about 5 years ago that I would end up living in Japan, I would have laughed. もし誰かが5年前、「君は日本に住むことになるよ」といったら、私は笑っていただろう。

At that time, I thought that my future was in Paris. I was sure that I was going to stay there, if not forever, at least for much longer than I finally stayed. But things were different, and I left in the end.

当時、自分は将来、パリにいるはずだった。 永遠にそこにはいないにしても、実際にいた期間よりもずっと長く本当はそこにいるはずだった。 だが、 違った。私はそこを離れなければならなかった。

It was not a premeditated decision nor was it rash. I just realized that it was no longer my place, that it was time to leave. It was a state, a confirmation, more than a thought. Suddenly I had that feeling, and I could no longer ignore it. My life was not making sense anymore, nor the things I used to do. The days went by slowly and colorless, and I plunged into a lethargic state that only hid the sadness inside me.

それは計画的ではなかったし、急でも無理やりでもなかった。

心が、悟ったのだ。そこはもはや自分の居場所ではなく、 離れる時がきた、と。

毎日がだんだんと色あせたものとなり、人生の辻褄が合わなくなっていく感じ。

心に悲しみを隠し持って、無気力な穴に落ちている感じ、だった。

Then, I listened to my heart and I moved to London, where my sister was living too. She helped me unconditionally in my new life, until I had that feeling again after a while. That feeling.

それから、心の声をきき、変わる事なく自分を応援してくれる姉の住むロンドンへ、引っ越すことになった。しばらくして再びある感情が生まれてくるまでは。 その感情とは。

I realized that going from country to country within Europe was not going to entail a very significant change in my life. So, I wondered a thousand times what way I should take.

ヨーロッパの中で国から国を移動したところで、大きな変化ってあるのかな? 何度も自分がどうするべきか、迷った。

“Where are you gonna go now, Maria? " —"I don’t know. I feel lost.

" さあ、マリア。どこへいこうか。"

" わかんない。すっかり道にまよっちゃった。"

"What about going back home? It’s warm, you wouldn’t need to pay for nothing. You wouldn’t have to strain to exhaustion to get something… "

—"Uhm, sounds good, but no, thanks. "

"スペインの家に帰るのはどう?あったかいし、何にもお金はらわなくていいでしょ?何かかうためにくたくたになって働く必要もないし。"

"よさげね、でもやめとく。"

"What about Paris? You already know the city. Maybe things go different now. "

フランスのパリはどう?町のことも知ってるし、今なら前とは状況も違うかも。

—"No… I wanna go far from here… very far… where no one can find me. " "So, what about an Asian country? "

うーん。。どっか遠くにいきたい。誰も私を見つけられない、私のことを知らない場所。

"アジアはどう?"

—"An Asian country? Well, that’s far, for sure. And I’ve never been there. " ふむ。アジアね。たしかに遠い。行った事無い。

"Great. How about Japan? Not bad, right?"

いいかも。日本はどう?悪くない。でしょ?

—Yeah, it sounds exotic, strange. Why not?

エキゾチックで、奇妙で、面白そう！ いいね。

Thereby, I went to Japan. Everything was different, sometimes too much, but precisely because of the challenge of living there, every small progress I made every day felt like a great achievement. Nevertheless, I was not thinking at that time to stay in Japan for more than three months. I did not consider Japan as my final destination, or at least, as the place I would be looking forward to coming back with all my heart as soon as I left.

で、日本へ向かった。全部まえとはちがっていて、時にトゥーマッチ。でもそこで住むこと自体が貴重で 日々の小さな進化すべてが大きな達成だった。でも3ヶ月以上は住む気がなかった。

But everything seemed to indicate that I went to the right place, at the right time, because a month after arriving to Japan I met the most beautiful and wonderful woman I had ever had the privilege of finding. A bond that arose naturally from the first moment we exchange a few words. A union that goes beyond any linguistic and cultural barrier, that oversteps almost spiritual borders. A relationship in which, every day that passes, we are setting ourselves free from the emotional and social chains that were killing us inside.

でも全ては、正しい場所、正しい時だったとわかった。なぜなら、日本について1ヶ月後、美しく、素晴らしい女性に出会ったから。

最初あって、数回会話を交わしただけで生まれた絆。 言語や文化的な 精神的な壁を 越えてゆくつながり。 私たちを内側に押し込める 社会的な精神的な鎖から自由にしてくれる 日々の彼女との関係。

What would have happened to us if we had not been in that place, in that moment? What would have happened if I had gone anywhere else? The possibilities are endless. We would have probably lived other kinds of experiences, met other types of people, and had a different life from the one that we have now. I do not know how the future is going to be. I just know that now I have not experienced that feeling again, nor that strong urge to run away, nor that emptiness. What a coincidence, right?

もし私たちが あの時あの場所に入っていなかったら? もし私が他の場所へ行っていたら? 可能性には終わりがない。 もし違う種類の経験をしていたら、違う人に会っていたら、今の自分たちとは違う人生を過ごしていただろう。 未来はわからない、ただ言えることは 、今すぐに逃げ出さなきゃいけない感覚や空っぽに感じる感覚を、今は再び感じていない、ということは確かだ。 なんて偶然！:)